Change can be hard but SO worth it

Have you read Who moved my Cheese? by Dr Spencer Johnson? If you haven’t, read it now! If you have, read it again!

It’s a great book about making changes (and it is not very long). I read it about 15 years ago and have just read it again with a younger generation. It appeals to all ages, that’s the magic. It is a fun and imaginative story about mice, cheese and a maze with a serious message about how you can look for what you want in life to make you happy. The perfect balance for all!

When I was reading it, it made me think about all the changes I have made in my life, particularly in developing my career, as well as ones I am thinking of making in the future. It also made me think about the mixture of emotions that can accompany change such as feeling excited, daunted, worried and happy.

My experience of change may be very different to your experiences of change. However, what we all have in common is that we all experience it. Change is happening all the time in the world, within our own environments, to people around us and within us. It can be simple. It can be complicated.

No matter who you are or how old you are, we all experience change in our lives and cope with it in different ways. Sometimes we know what to do to adapt to or make a change, but sometimes we have no idea where to start and that can be tough. You might know that a change is needed but just can’t see how to make that first step towards making it or perhaps you don’t even know what change you need. You may be experiencing job loss, wanting a career change or perhaps something else has happened in your life that requires you to rethink your career.

Whatever your circumstances, when considering making a change think of it as changing traffic lights.

  1. Stop!
    • Think about you first. What do you want? What will make you happy? What part of the change are you alone responsible for? This is the part that you can control.
    • Relax and enjoy imagining what life will be like if you made the change. This is the part that will make you feel excited and motivated.
  2. Get ready!
    • Think about who else will be involved or impacted by the change? How will it affect them?
    • How does the change fit in within the world around you?
  3. Go for it!
    • Take action and start taking some steps towards the change you want to make.
    • Seek help as necessary.

Making the first step towards change can be so worth it.

How long are you prepared to wait for something to happen in your career?

‘Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.  We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.  We are the change that we seek.’ (Barack Obama)

There has been a lot of waiting during this pandemic.  Waiting for lockdown to end. Waiting for the next announcement from the Government. Waiting for announcements at work.

However, it is not just the pandemic that has caused us to wait.  Apparently, the average person in Britain spends almost seven years waiting around. We wait 17 months of our life for food being cooked and, this is my favourite, we wait 4 months of our life for the kettle to boil!

Waiting takes up a huge part of our lives.  We are often waiting for certain things to things to happen. 

I wonder how much time we spend waiting for something to happen in our careers.  Perhaps waiting for an ideal job opportunity or for things to change for the better at work. We often find ourselves waiting for things to improve.

I know there are a lot of people waiting in their careers right now.  Covid-19 has not been easy for anyone.  Many are waiting to come off furlough or for a forthcoming redundancy.  Many are waiting to pursue a career change or to tackle challenging issues in their current role.

How is all this waiting making you feel?

Since the beginning of lockdown, I have witnessed a gradual decrease in general morale, productivity, and confidence levels in individuals over the past few months.  The structure of people’s days has started to deteriorate, and many are struggling to stay motivated.  The challenges of ongoing restrictions and the constant wait for things to change is tough and is gradually taking its toll on many people.

Let’s help bring back some positivity into your life as we prepare for 2021. If you are struggling, it may be time to change your focus from waiting to doing. 

  1. Make some small positive changes to your life.  If you are finding your days are starting to drift, set out a simple schedule for each day.  If you are spending a lot of time sat at your desk at home, ensure you leave the house for some short walks.  Each small positive change will make you feel better and help you look to the future.
  2. Allow yourself the freedom to imagine what 2021 could look like for you. Imagine your ideal job and what this would be like.  The inability to imagine an ideal scenario can be a real block to working out the future.  Imagining the future can really help to inspire and encourage you to look at different opportunities.  Recently, a client of mine had a breakthrough when describing her ideal job.  She said the exercise had enabled her to admit for the first time that she did know what she really wanted to do but had been too afraid to admit it. What an amazing discovery!
  3. Carry out both long and short-term planning.  This will enable you to prepare short-term goals to prepare for any current loss of income and long-term goals to meet your career aspirations.
  4. Give yourself time to think.  Recently, a client referred to the impact of the pandemic as ‘mental overload’ and I think she is right.  There has been a lot to process over the last couple of months.  Spend time looking after yourself.

There are still lots of things you can change to make you feel better and able to focus on the next steps in your career. Remember, you can take some control back, this is possible.

Overcoming imposter syndrome in your career

Do you worry about being found out at work?  You think you are not as good as people are making you out to be and one day you will be exposed.  You may be suffering from imposter syndrome.

What is imposter Syndrome? Read more about it here ‘What is Imposter Syndrome’ in the Happiful Magazine.

I recently contributed to an article on Imposter Syndrome in the Happiful Magazine and, while making my contributions, I realised how many of us suffer from this syndrome at some point in our careers.

What is imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is believing you are not as competent as others believe you to be. You develop a fear of being found out and may believe you have only got to where you are by luck. This commonly leads to feelings of self-doubt and anxiety. Some say it is more commonly seen in women, but I have seen it equally in both the men and women I have worked with.

If you think you suffer from imposter syndrome, you are not alone. Many people suffer from it.  We live in a world of high expectations which is largely experienced through education and in the workplace. This can lead to individuals developing high expectations of themselves, often setting unrealistic goals or challenges. It also leads to individuals not speaking out when they are struggling. They do not want to be found out.

Imposter syndrome and perfectionism

Imposter syndrome is often linked to perfectionism and this is a link that I frequently see displayed, particularly in professions such as law.  Signs include spending far too much time over preparing for tasks and after the event over analysing how you did, often thinking your performance was worse than it really was. Unfortunately, this forms a vicious cycle as thoughts such as ‘I don’t want to fail’ or ‘I’m not good enough’ trigger self-doubt and feelings of anxiety. Individuals don’t tell anyone because of the fear of being found out and therefore do not seek help.

What can I do if am struggling with imposter syndrome?

If you are struggling with imposter syndrome, be aware of when your imposter syndrome or perfectionist thoughts occur and what they make you feel. The more you are aware of these thoughts and feelings, the easier it will be to do something about them. Ultimately, you want to be able to challenge these thoughts and believe you are good enough and can do it.  Remember it is normal not to know everything. If you are unsure about something, talk to someone who can help you. It may also be a good idea to ask for feedback from colleagues, it’s often more positive than you expect.

To find out more about this topic, have a read of the article I contributed to here, ‘What is Imposter Syndrome’

Preparing for changes in your career in a post-coronavirus world

preparing for change

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change”

(Albert Einstein)

 

We are all now starting to look to the future in a post-coronavirus world.  Some of you may already be putting plans in place for your careers, others may still consider it too early to make any decisions or are unsure what to do next. How do you prepare to make changes in your career in a post-coronavirus world?

I am finding that career change, flexible working and wellbeing are some of the main areas of change being reviewed by individuals at the moment as they consider the future of their working lives.  These are the areas that are often considered when deciding on best-suited career paths.

Career Change

According to recent research by the Adecco Group UK and Ireland, 29% of the UK’s workforce is considering a significant career change. One of the reasons being that many individuals (nearly one in five) felt they were not being treated well by their employer during the pandemic.  There are also many people who, before the time of coronavirus were considering a career change, and still want to pursue this.

Flexible Working

Working patterns have changed over the last few months allowing for more flexibility and working from home arrangements.  This has prompted thoughts on how our working lives can benefit from this flexibility.  Is there more scope for portfolio careers?  Can our working lives work around our family and home life in a more beneficial manner?

Wellbeing

In recent months, we have also had lots of time to think about our wellbeing.  Spending more time at home has enabled us to spend time discovering what really makes us happy and feel good about ourselves. There will be changes many individuals will want to make to their lives now and in the future.

Since March, I have published a series of blogs, articles, and videos to assist you in navigating the impact coronavirus is having on the world of jobs and careers.  These are all summarised below – I hope they will be helpful for you as you start to make decisions about what the future holds for your career as we emerge from the affects coronavirus has had on our lives.

BLOGS

Looking after your career in the time of Coronavirus

This blog was written at the beginning of lockdown to help those worried about their future.

5 ways to get out of lockdown lethargy

To help you manage any uncertainty in your life and career.

Coronavirus and careers – what happens next?

Helping you to navigate the impact coronavirus has on your career.

Making career decisions in uncertain times

Some useful thoughts and ideas on how we start making decisions about our future careers when everything appears so uncertain.

How do we develop ways to get through the hard times in our careers?

Find out how to make career changes during tough times to enable you to move forward happily in your career.

CVs that stand out – this will make you smile!

Just for a bit of fun! Have you ever thought of presenting your CV in the form of a cereal box?  Discover some fun and creative examples of CV writing to make you stand out from the crowd.

ARTICLES

How to adapt to uncertain times to find the career you love

VIDEOS

Making career decisions in uncertain times

Building your confidence for a career change

MY BOOK

‘The Tea Model: Slowing down in a fast-paced world to find the career you love’

My book provides a structured process to help you move forward in your career. I had had over 700 downloads over lockdown so I’m hoping it is currently helping lots of individuals with their careers!

Whatever your circumstances, this may be the right time for change no matter how big or small.  If you need some assistance do have a look at my website where you can browse through lots of free career resources.

How do we develop ways to get through the hard times in our careers?

Uncertain times

“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” (Joshua J. Marine)

We all go through tough times, don’t we?  These times may be due to work challenges or personal struggles.  Challenges are a part of life and learning to overcome these challenges and making decisions to enable us to move forward during these times can be hard.  We can be left feeling we have lost some control over our lives.

We have inevitably lost a bit more of this control over recent months as the impact of coronavirus has been extremely tough for many people.   There is increased uncertainty in our environment and the world around us which, for many, has made decision-making a complex, overwhelming and stressful experience.

Decision-making…

During uncertain and complex times, the way we make decisions changes.  To avoid stress, we tend to try and simplify the complexity around us by making decisions based on our habits and what others are doing in similar circumstances.  Points 1 and 2 below explain how :

  1. Habits

In uncertain times, we turn to our comfort zone and become reliant on our habits that sit within this.  The implications being that we can avoid the stress of the current uncertainty and delay making any decisions that bring about a change to our lives. Unfortunately, this can increase the development and establishment of unhealthy habits.  These are habits that don’t make us happy and are hard to change.

  1. What others are doing

‘I can’t change career because a friend has told me it is too risky.  Other people are not changing career now so I must wait too.’

In uncertain times, we tend to make decisions by searching for information that confirms our existing thoughts and beliefs about the world. We also base our decisions on what other people are doing in the same situation. Unfortunately, accepting the views and opinions of others without question will pull us in the direction of making decisions based on what others are doing or saying rather than based on who we are, our values and what we genuinely want.  The danger is we miss the stories that show what we really want is possible.

Unfortunately, focusing on comfortable habits and what others are doing can cause you to draw the wrong conclusions and subsequently make decisions that are not right for you.  Although, by focusing on these areas, we are trying to gain control and reduce the uncertainty we are facing, we can instead cause ourselves further stress in doing so.

The next step…..

You, of course, want to make the right decisions.  You want to make decisions that move you forward and make you happy in your career and the way to do this is to become really aware of how the situation is affecting your decisions.  Self-awareness is key. Let me show you how through the following four steps:

  1. Be aware of thoughts

‘I can’t change career.’

Be aware of how the current situation is making you think and feel. What is going through your mind? Negative beliefs can make you feel miserable and stop you achieving what you want to achieve. Keep monitoring your thoughts – make a note of them to enhance your awareness.

(Have a watch of my video, ‘Building your confidence for a career change’, if you would like to find out more about the impact of thoughts and feelings on our careers.)

  1. Be aware of habits 

‘I must wait until things become certain before I make decisions regarding my career.’

Become aware of any habits you have developed or become reliant on that keep you within your comfort zone.  What are they? How to they make you behave?  What will be the consequences of these habits?

  1. Challenge your beliefs 

‘I don’t have to wait to change career. (I may be waiting a long time if I wait for certainty.)’

You are likely to have already built up the evidence to support your existing thoughts and beliefs through what others are doing.  Now find the evidence that disproves these thoughts.  Who do you know who has changed career?  What information can you find about careers post coronavirus? Who is advertising job vacancies?

  1. Develop new habits

‘I can change career!’

It’s time to develop new habits that help you move forward and ultimately be happy. It can take 20-30 days of introducing a new habit, to break the old one but the important point here is that it is possible to change them, it may just take a little time to do so.  Be patient and take one step at a time, breaking any activity you want to achieve into small steps and start building change into your routine that will help you make the changes you want to make in your career.

A lot of our happiness is determined by our actions, attitudes and what we do on a daily basis and the four steps I have described are steps you can take that will help you to make decisions regarding you career that make you happy and increase your chances of being successful.

Changes to our existing habits will help us to adapt to hard times, be happy and help us move forward in our careers.

To read more about finding happiness in your career, have a read of my blog ‘The secret to finding happiness in your career’.

Making career decisions in uncertain times

`Tracks

“It’s a whole new track.  It’s not going back.  It’s just all different and it’s different forever…It’s creating my next track…I’m figuring out what I want to do.  What do I care about?  It takes time to process your life and figure out what it all means…”(Michelle Obama)

This was Michelle Obama’s response when asked how she felt about getting back on track to the life she had before she became First Lady of the United States.   A response that is extremely relevant to all of us today as we attempt to look beyond coronavirus and make decisions about our future. We are all starting to create our next track.  The question is, how do we do this?  How do we start taking control and making decisions about our future careers when everything appears so uncertain?

The track of uncertainty

Before the time of Covid-19, we were all moving along our own track, considering, and making decisions and creating a life for ourselves.  There were often bumps and cracks on the track and sometimes we were faced with difficult decisions about our careers, the kind of decisions that can only be made with certainty if we could successfully predict the future, a luxury none of us have!

Covid-19 then happened, and this uncertainty was reinforced as we were all sent on a lockdown diversion from our existing track.  This wasn’t any old diversion; this was a life changing diversion and nothing like anything we had experienced before. The diversion took us in a completely different direction which required us to live our lives differently.  We had little control over this track and its destination, filling our lives with what felt like a new level of uncertainty as we experienced feelings of insecurity, anxiety and stress over a number of weeks as the country tried to control the virus.

As things slowly improve, we are gradually being given back some control.  Undoubtedly this has its benefits, but it also means the time is fast approaching for us to face making decisions again about our daily lives and careers.  It is time to create our new track by navigating the impact coronavirus has already had on our lives and will continue to do so in the future.

The challenges of creating a new track in an uncertain world

Making decisions and creating a new track is easier said than done, isn’t it?  I know many people are reluctant to make decisions at the moment, waiting for when life becomes more certain.   However, we know that even before the time of coronavirus, we could not accurately predict the future.  We could not have predicted in March 2019 that we would be subjected to a lockdown in March 2020.  If we wait for a time when things become certain, we will be waiting a long time.

To help stop the waiting game, we first need to tackle one of the initial challenges which can stop us from making decisions and that is lack of confidence.  A lack of confidence can have a huge impact on our ability to make decisions.  How do you now overcome this to enable you to forward and create your new track?

The creation of your new track

There are two areas to focus on here: mindset and imagination.

  1. Mindset

Lockdown has triggered negative thoughts for everyone.  These thoughts will impact how we feel and how we behave.  If you are experiencing negative thoughts at the moment, it is okay.  You may still be feeling anxious which is totally understandable given what our minds have been exposed to and had to process during the pandemic.  You may have been experiencing a lack of confidence prior to lockdown and this has not gone away.  You may have been wanting to pursue a career change prior to lockdown and now feel it’s not possible.

There will always be things, some of greater impact than others, that happen in our lives that make us feel this way. What is important is that you notice how you are thinking, feeling, and reacting and consider whether your reaction will help you move forward constructively.  Remember, negative thoughts have the power to stop you achieving what you want to achieve.  When you are ready, start believing you can make decisions and move on to point 2 to help you to start working out what you want to achieve in your career.

(For further reading on mindset, have a read of these previous blogs, ‘Four rules you need to know for career success’, ‘5 ways to get unstuck to make a career change’,  ‘Showing negative emotion is not the done thing’, ‘Six reasons stopping you getting the job you will love’ and ‘Does looking at past events help you change career?’.)

  1. Imagination

Using our imagination can helpfully guide us with our decision making.  Imagining our ideal future forms a positive basis for our decisions, opening ourselves up to opportunities.  Yes, we can’t account for future obstacles that fall in our way, but these obstacles will continue to shape our future.  A vision provides a starting point for your future plans and enables you to build in flexibility where required to allow for unforeseen events.

(For further reading have a read of these blogs,Making your dream career a reality’ and ‘The best kept secret to career success’. Imagination is always an important focus at the beginning of my career coaching programmes and there is a section on this in my book, ‘The Tea Model: Slowing down in a fast-paced world to find the career you love’.)

How do I know this can work?

I can speak from personal experience with my own career change journey.  I left my job as a solicitor in 2008, having decided to take a career break.  I had been wondering what else the world of work had to offer me but knew if I carried on working as a solicitor I wouldn’t discover other possible opportunities. I didn’t know exactly what the next part of my career path was going to be, and I could not accurately predict my future. However, I had saved enough money to get me through a set period of time and if nothing happened in that time, I would return to law. As it happened, opportunities started to open up to me when I left and to cut a long story short, I have now been running my career coaching business for 10 years.  You can find out more about this in my blog ‘Tessa’s Career Change Journey’.

I know I was not experiencing a world pandemic during this time, but the key principles are the same.  It wasn’t the perfect journey and many of the decisions I made were based on uncertainty.  However, the initial steps were all about mindset (believing I could do it) and using my imagination. I created a long-term vision of what I would love my career to look like and I am still enjoying slotting all the pieces together.

The uncertainty of today is inescapable, we can never say for certain what will happen in the future.   We don’t know the answers to all the questions and we don’t know what the future world of careers is going to look like.  What is important is how we deal with this uncertainty so that we continue to move forward and be open to opportunities. It doesn’t matter if you have to change or adapt your plans along the way.  What is important is that you are creating a track and starting to move forward with the flexibility to adapt and change if necessary.

5 ways to get unstuck to make a career change

careerpathIn my blog last month, I wrote about how 40% of happiness is determined by our actions, attitude and what we do on a daily basis.  A whole 40% you are free to use to make changes to your life, changes that will make you happy and increase your chances of being successful in finding a job you love.

BUT…

What happens if you are struggling to make these changes?

Have you found yourself wanting to make a change that you think will make you happy, but it just never seems to happen?

You promise yourself that you will do something to improve your well-being or introduce a positive change into your life, but struggle to keep the promises you make to yourself.  You want to change a habit but find it impossible to do so and end up postponing the change.

“I will go for a run tomorrow.”  “I will sort my career in the New Year.”  “I will make time for daily mindfulness when I am less busy.”

These promises to ourselves are really hard to keep, aren’t they?  It is much easier to find a reason not to do it.

“Work is too busy”, “the weather was bad”, “I didn’t feel like it”, “I didn’t think I would be able to do it.”

However, all these reasons become our negative habits, the habits that don’t make us happy. They are hard to change because they have become an established part of our life.

It actually takes 20-30 days of introducing a new habit, to break the old one but it is possible to change them, it may just take a little bit of time to do so.

How can you make the changes you want to make?

  1. Believe you can do it – saying ‘I can’t do it’ will make you feel miserable and you will end up not doing it. Believe in yourself and believe you can do it. This will make you feel happier and give you the motivation to achieve it.
  1. Smile – I want you to frown right now for 10 seconds. Now smile for 10 seconds. Which facial expression made you feel better? Smiling will always help you feel happy and achieve.
  1. One step at a time – break the activity you want to achieve into small steps. If you want to start running each week, don’t start with a 5k run.  Shorter runs will give you a sense of achievement and motivate you to increase the distance slightly each time you go out.
  1. Proximity – If you want to go running after work today, lay out your running clothes on your bed and put your trainers by the door. Make achieving your new habit easy for yourself.  If you have to search for your trainers, you may find excuses not to find them!
  1. Tell someone – commit to your new habit by telling someone. You will have to do it now, otherwise you will have to own up to them!

How can this apply to my career change?

If you want to make a career change, the 5 steps mentioned above will help you so you now have a choice…

You can either:

  1. Keep believing you can’t do it, frown about it, try and discover that one amazing career for yourself in one big enormous leap, leave my book ‘The Tea Model: Slowing down in a fast-paced world to find the career you love’on the bookshelf (!) and not tell anyone you are going to do anything about it.

OR, YOU CAN:

  1. Believe you can do it, smile about it, start taking small steps towards making that change, place ‘The Tea Model: Slowing down in a fast-paced world to find the career you love’ on the coffee table in front of where you sit (!) and tell someone what you are doing about making a change in your career.

I would suggest choosing number 2 – start making small steps towards your career change (or any change you wish to make) now and you will surprise yourself!  Oh yes, and remember to smile!

(Perhaps my Career Change and Career Advancement programme will help you too!)

The secret to finding happiness in your career

Success does not make you happy, happiness makes you successful.

i love my job

 

Success does not make you happy

How happy are you on a scale of 1 – 10?  

If your score isn’t 9 or 10, I wonder what is happening in your life right now. You may not be enjoying your job, you may have no idea about your future career path, you may be questioning whether you have the right skills for a career change, or you may be fed up with working long hours.

What would make your score a 10?  

We often hear people say,

“I will be happy when I have a job I love.”  “I will be happy when I get a good grade in my exams.” “I will be happy when I can afford a new house.”

It is so often the case that we postpone our happiness until a successful event has happened in the future.   Once this event has happened, you have a new job or new house, it is mission accomplished and you shoot to the top of the happiness scale.  Your success has made you happy…or has it?

It is indeed very common for people to think that their happiness is dependent on a successful event happening in the future.  However, the problem with this dependency is that these individuals postpone their improved happiness and become focused on what is currently making them unhappy, rather than what can make them happy now.  They focus on the jobs they don’t want.  They talk about the skills they don’t have. They complain about the long hours they are working.    There are so many things in our lives that can make us unhappy and it can be so easy to focus on them while we wait for a future success.  However, this is what can make us feel miserable and we may be waiting a very long time to be happy.

…but if the future success actually happens, I will then be happy so that’s okay, isn’t it?

Unfortunately, the happiness we get from success will only provide us with short-term increased happiness.  Think about it.   When you passed your driving test, you were really happy but are you still feeling the same level of happiness now from that event?   You will probably find that once you passed your test, the happiness from this success gradually wore off.  You got used to being able to drive independently and it became normal for you.  What now is going to make you happy? Do you wait for your next success?  When will this be? How long will you be waiting for?  You enter the happiness waiting game again.

Happiness makes you successful

The good news is that happiness is not dependent on the end result, it is not dependent on success.  In fact, it is the other way around.  Happiness makes you successful and so if you are happy during the journey to the success you increase your chances of being successful – a win-win situation!

What can you do now to make yourself happy and increase your chances of finding the job you love? 

Based on research carried out by Positive Psychologist, Prof Sonia Lyubomirsky,

50% of happiness is determined by your genes.

10% of happiness is determined by the circumstances in which you live.

40% of happiness is determined by your actions, your attitude and what we do on a daily basis.

This is great news!  You have a whole 40% to play around with to make you happy and increase your chances of being successful in finding a job you love. Use this 40% to start considering the following steps and make changes in your life to make you happy right now.

  1. Focus on what is right, building on the skills and positive attributes you already have.
  2. Discover what gives you meaning and pleasure in life. What are your passions?
  3. Take part in activities that fully engage you.

These steps will raise your score on the happiness scale and increase your chances of being successful in finding an amazing job.

The Tea Model

Steps 1 – 3 above forms the basis to Stage 1, ‘Time To Think’, of my Tea Model Career Coaching Programme.  Stage 1 ultimately helps you to be happy and motivated as you work towards finding a job you love by considering enjoyable activities you can do now to improve your well-being as well as enhancing your appreciation of your skills, interests, knowledge and values.

This is not about waiting to be happy, it is about focusing on the positive and taking part in activities you enjoy to enable you to overcome current challenges, raise your happiness score and give you the best chance of success in finding a job you love.

Don’t wait for happiness to happen to you…Do things now that will make you happy.

Happy people are successful

20 Pieces of Career Advice For You!

TessaIt’s that time of year when I do a round-up of all my articles and blogs for the year.  I do this so that when reflecting on your career (as many do over Christmas and New Year) you can quickly scan through this round-up and read what is relevant for you.  I hope it is helpful!

I try to cover a range of topics in my articles.  This year many of the topics covered are hinting towards what is covered in my newly published book (The Tea Model: Slowing down in a fast-paced world to find the career you love’.)

BLOGS

uk_career_development_1000px

  1. The key ingredient for making a career change (Jan)
  2. Making your dream career a reality (Feb)
  3. What do you do when your current job doesn’t suit you? (March)
  4. Finding the best career and job ideas when feeling stuck(April)
  5. The best kept secret to career success(May)
  6. Four rules you need to know for career success (June)
  7. Four reasons why celebration is so important for career happiness and fulfilment(July)
  8. Six reasons stopping you getting the job you will love (Sept)
  9. ‘Showing negative emotion is not the done thing’ (Oct)
  10. Publication of my new book: ‘The Tea Model: Slowing down in a fast-paced world to find the career you love’ (Nov)

 

VIDEOS

  1. How to achieve the best work-life balance for you and enjoy your job
  2. Stop leaving your career to chance
  3. The best kept secret to career success
  4. Confidence Coaching for Children

ARTICLES

  1. How to stop procrastinating over career-changing decisions
  2. Don’t forget this important consideration when making a career change
  3. How to ‘just do it’ when perfectionism takes over
  4. How career coaching can help you create a career that suits you
  5. 6 benefits of coaching for career success
  6. 9 ways to progress your career when feeling lost

 

CAREER ADVICE BOOKS

….Did I mention MY NEWLY PUBLISHED BOOK?!

The Tea Model: Slowing down in a fast-paced world to find the career you love

Book Tessa Armstrong IAPC&M

 

Do get in touch now or in the New Year to tell me your career news (or dilemmas).  In the meantime, I wish you a very happy Christmas and a fantastic new year! 

Best wishes

Tessa

‘Showing negative emotion is not the done thing.’

The danger for your career of accepting the views and opinions of others without question.

emotions

Recap…

In my blog ‘Six reasons stopping you getting the job you’ll love’, I discussed how the way we deal with our emotions and feelings can stop us getting a job we will love due to the vicious cycle we can find ourselves caught up in.

When something happens to us (a trigger) in the environment around us, we automatically think something in reaction to this trigger which will make us feel in a certain way and subsequently act in a certain way.  Our thoughts, feelings and actions are all linked together and form a cycle.

The vicious cycle develops when we do not handle our feelings during the cycle in a constructive manner.  Often individuals respond to challenging events by ignoring the negative feeling triggered to provide them with short-term relief from the situation.  However, negative emotions do not simply disappear. The more they are ignored, the more they continue to grow under the surface until things get so bad they burst out in an unhealthy or unhelpful manner.

In my blog, I refer to six ways individuals can hide or ignore negative emotions and today I am going to focus on number 1,

Acceptance of the views and opinions of others without question.

Imagine you have been brought up being told that ‘Showing negative emotion is not the done thing’. 

You are now in the working world and have been having a really tough time at work over the past couple of years and are considering a career change.  You have just about been able to keep your head above water at work, but you have little confidence or motivation to enable you to think about pursuing the career change you wish for.

The main problem you have been experiencing is being able to keep up with expectations.  You live in fear of not being good enough and this makes you feel worried and anxious. However, you have always been told that showing negative emotion is not the done thing and so ignore these feelings and pretend everything is fine.  You keep going but end up working longer hours with sleepless nights and don’t seem to be achieving anything.   The vicious cycle has been entered.

As stated above, we know that ignoring negative emotion provides us with short term relief, but the emotion remains growing under the surface.  The more it is ignored the more it grows until you can’t cope, and it bursts out in an unhelpful manner negatively affecting your confidence and motivation.

Will believing ‘showing negative emotion is not the done thing’ help you pursue a career change and achieve what you want to achieve?

Probably not.  It must be exhausting pretending everything is fine.

Can we really believe that we should never cry, show frustration or let on that we are feeling anxious or worried about something?

Think about the impact of all this pent-up negative emotion building up inside everyone!

Will believing ‘showing negative emotion IS the done thing’ help you pursue a career change and achieve what you want to achieve?

Yes!

Showing negative emotion is OK when it is expressed in a healthy and constructive manner.

Being able to express negative emotion in a healthy and constructive manner will make you feel better and able to move on.  You just need to be aware of when you are feeling negatively and do something about it.

Talk to someone you trust, write it down, go for a run and process your feelings in every step….do something to allow yourself to feel. Don’t ignore it and pretend everything is fine as this can lead to greater problems in the future which will have an effect on your ability to handle situations such as a career change.  Instead, you will become someone who is able to manage their emotions and achieve what they want to achieve.

When the attitudes and beliefs of others are forming who you are and affecting what you can achieve, consider these attitudes and beliefs by distinguishing between the helpful and the unhelpful ones.   Leave the unhelpful ones behind and take the helpful attitudes and beliefs  to enable you to move forward confidently and achieve in your career.