Publication of my new book: ‘The Tea Model: Slowing down in a fast-paced world to find the career you love’

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I am very excited to be able to announce the release of my first career coaching book,  ‘The Tea Model: Slowing down in a fast-paced world to find the career you love’

When I first set up my business, one of my dreams was to write a coaching book to help individuals find the career they love.  The dream remained a dream while I spent time designing and developing my career coaching programme through coaching 100’s of individuals over the last 10 years.  In 2019 my dream to write a book became a goal, a goal which has now been achieved and I want to be able to give you a brief insight into my book in this article.

First of all I want to ask you three questions….

Are you struggling to achieve a good work-life balance as you attempt to navigate the increasing demands and complexity of the world of work?

Are you struggling with that Monday morning feeling?

Are you wondering whether a career change is right for you, or wishing to return to work after a break, and searching endlessly on the internet for the answer?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions then my book will help and guide you to create a career that suits you and makes you happy.

I know that navigating the fast-paced world of careers is becoming increasingly complex and deciding on the best-suited career path can be challenging. You may be mid-career and struggling to decide on your next steps.  You may be feeling really stressed at work and confused about what the future holds. You may have been made redundant or are returning to work after a break and unsure of the options available to you. Your struggles and challenges will be unique to you, and it is important that you get the right help and guidance that supports your needs as well as helps you to create a career that you will not only enjoy but also fits comfortably with all aspects of your life.

The Tea Model provides this help through a simple 3 stage process.

  1. Time to Think
  2. Time to Explore
  3. Time to Act

It helps you to navigate the fast-paced and complex world of careers and reduce feelings of frustration, dissatisfaction and stress by enabling you to reassess what you want to be by focusing on who you are, rather than on what you think you should be, and creating the career you desire.

In Stage 1 you will focus on the most important person in this process (you!). This stage will help you to overcome any negativity that you may be feeling, develop a positive approach to your job search and establish a thorough understanding of your skills, aspirations, values and motivations to ensure you find the best career for you. Stage 2 will take you through the process of pursuing a detailed exploration of career opportunities and realistic options so that in Stage 3 you can ultimately make the best decision regarding your future career and create a detailed action plan to develop your chosen path.  There are activities for you to complete and guidance to follow within each stage to enable you to maintain motivation and get the most from your career search.

Whether you are wanting to make a career change, review the suitability of your current job or find a new job, I have used this approach for many years within my career coaching programmes and it works.

My programme has enabled many individuals to pursue satisfying and fulfilling careers leaving them feeling happy, motivated and fulfilled and it is now time for me to share it with you too.

The book is available as an eBook or in paperback on amazonClick here to order your copy now!

‘Showing negative emotion is not the done thing.’

The danger for your career of accepting the views and opinions of others without question.

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Recap…

In my blog ‘Six reasons stopping you getting the job you’ll love’, I discussed how the way we deal with our emotions and feelings can stop us getting a job we will love due to the vicious cycle we can find ourselves caught up in.

When something happens to us (a trigger) in the environment around us, we automatically think something in reaction to this trigger which will make us feel in a certain way and subsequently act in a certain way.  Our thoughts, feelings and actions are all linked together and form a cycle.

The vicious cycle develops when we do not handle our feelings during the cycle in a constructive manner.  Often individuals respond to challenging events by ignoring the negative feeling triggered to provide them with short-term relief from the situation.  However, negative emotions do not simply disappear. The more they are ignored, the more they continue to grow under the surface until things get so bad they burst out in an unhealthy or unhelpful manner.

In my blog, I refer to six ways individuals can hide or ignore negative emotions and today I am going to focus on number 1,

Acceptance of the views and opinions of others without question.

Imagine you have been brought up being told that ‘Showing negative emotion is not the done thing’. 

You are now in the working world and have been having a really tough time at work over the past couple of years and are considering a career change.  You have just about been able to keep your head above water at work, but you have little confidence or motivation to enable you to think about pursuing the career change you wish for.

The main problem you have been experiencing is being able to keep up with expectations.  You live in fear of not being good enough and this makes you feel worried and anxious. However, you have always been told that showing negative emotion is not the done thing and so ignore these feelings and pretend everything is fine.  You keep going but end up working longer hours with sleepless nights and don’t seem to be achieving anything.   The vicious cycle has been entered.

As stated above, we know that ignoring negative emotion provides us with short term relief, but the emotion remains growing under the surface.  The more it is ignored the more it grows until you can’t cope, and it bursts out in an unhelpful manner negatively affecting your confidence and motivation.

Will believing ‘showing negative emotion is not the done thing’ help you pursue a career change and achieve what you want to achieve?

Probably not.  It must be exhausting pretending everything is fine.

Can we really believe that we should never cry, show frustration or let on that we are feeling anxious or worried about something?

Think about the impact of all this pent-up negative emotion building up inside everyone!

Will believing ‘showing negative emotion IS the done thing’ help you pursue a career change and achieve what you want to achieve?

Yes!

Showing negative emotion is OK when it is expressed in a healthy and constructive manner.

Being able to express negative emotion in a healthy and constructive manner will make you feel better and able to move on.  You just need to be aware of when you are feeling negatively and do something about it.

Talk to someone you trust, write it down, go for a run and process your feelings in every step….do something to allow yourself to feel. Don’t ignore it and pretend everything is fine as this can lead to greater problems in the future which will have an effect on your ability to handle situations such as a career change.  Instead, you will become someone who is able to manage their emotions and achieve what they want to achieve.

When the attitudes and beliefs of others are forming who you are and affecting what you can achieve, consider these attitudes and beliefs by distinguishing between the helpful and the unhelpful ones.   Leave the unhelpful ones behind and take the helpful attitudes and beliefs  to enable you to move forward confidently and achieve in your career.

 

SIX REASONS STOPPING YOU GETTING THE JOB YOU WILL LOVE

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‘Showing negative emotion is not the done thing. I pretend everything is fine’

‘It’s never my fault when things go wrong.’

‘I find it hard to make decisions. I just want to please everyone.’

‘I sometimes get headaches when things go wrong.’

‘I find it best to distract myself when times are hard.’

‘I just keep going as I can handle it.’

Do any of these quotes resonate with you? I am sure you have found yourself saying or thinking some of them in response to challenging situations and this is, of course, okay. Handling challenging circumstances can be really hard. However, problems arise when these responses become the norm and they start to impact your career progression, desire for a career change or search for a new job. It is at this point when it may be necessary to think of ways to overcome these responses to help you move forward.

Consider this scenario spoken by an employee:

“One day I was walking down the street and my boss passed me on the other side of the road. I called out to say hello, but she ignored me. I wondered why she was ignoring me and what I had done wrong. I come to the quick conclusion that I must have done something to make her unhappy with me. I am not doing so well at work at the moment and I think I am just not good enough. I returned to work and had to stay late as my work took double the time it should. I didn’t want to get anything wrong again, so I kept rechecking it. When I got home I didn’t talk to anyone and pretended everything was fine. I find it is best to distract myself, although I often arrive home with a headache. All I want is to enjoy my work, but I can’t see how this is going to happen. I was thinking of a career change but what’s the point? I don’t enjoy this job, and if I pursue a career change I might not enjoy the new job either. I have always been told that it is best just to keep going as the grass isn’t always greener.’

Now consider the psychology:

The way we see ourselves, the world and other people affects our thoughts which have an impact on our feelings and subsequently on our behaviour.

When something happens to us (a trigger) in the environment around us, we automatically think something in reaction to this trigger which will make us feel in a certain way and subsequently act in a certain way. Our thoughts, feelings and actions are all linked together.

How does this have an impact on me and getting a job I love?

Let’s link the psychology with the scenario above. The main thoughts triggered by the events on the street all stemmed from ‘I am not good enough’.   These quick concluding thoughts (‘she’s ignoring me’, ‘what have I done wrong?’, ‘I am not doing well at work’) would have made this employee feel in a certain way. As a consequence of these thoughts and (currently unnamed) feelings their work took double the time. This negatively affected their enjoyment at work and behaviour at home as well as their ambitions for the future such as the option of a career change.

As an objective observer we can of course rationalise these events and simply conclude that the boss didn’t hear their employee say hello. However, for the employee, the lack of response from their boss supported their existing negative thought of not being a good enough which would have triggered negative feelings which then spiralled into negative behaviours/consequences at work and at home.

As this employee continues to react to similar scenarios in the same way, this vicious cycle continues, potentially stopping them experiencing or finding a job they will love.

The problem

One of the reasons these vicious cycles continue is because of our handling of our feelings during the cycle, often individuals respond to challenging events by ignoring the negative feeling triggered to provide them with short-term relief from the situation. In the above scenario, the employee used distraction as a means of coping and suppressed their feelings. However, negative emotions do not simply disappear. The more they are ignored, the more they continue to grow under the surface until things get so bad they burst out in an unhealthy or unhelpful manner.

These are six ways individuals can hide or ignore negative emotions:

  1. Acceptance of the views and opinions of others without question. For example, believing what you have always been told (‘showing negative emotion is not the done thing’).
  1. Blaming everything and everyone around you for things that happen to you (‘It’s never my fault when things go wrong’).
  1. Wanting to please everyone and meet everyone else’s expectations apart from your own (‘I find it hard to make decisions. I just want to please everyone’).
  1. Thinking your own emotions are not valid and so the emotion displays itself through a physical symptom (‘I sometimes get headaches when things go wrong’).
  1. Avoiding people or the situation (‘I find it best to distract myself when times are hard’).
  1. Wanting to control everything around you so that nothing goes wrong (‘I just keep going as I can handle it’).

These six ways can stop you from looking after yourself when you are feeling down and finding a job you will love.

In our scenario above, the employee used distraction as a coping mechanism and accepted the view that they must keep going as the grass isn’t always greener. There was no mention of what they were feeling, but they must have been feeling something. What will be the outcome for this employee? We already know that they were experiencing headaches and have given up on the idea of a career change.

Don’t let your negative emotions fester. Give yourself permission to feel negative emotions so that you can express them in a healthy and constructive manner in accordance with events happening around you. This will enable you to act on a career change or job search as well as find a job you will love.

Over the next few months I am going to cover each of these six areas in more detail, providing you with some guidance to help you move forward in your career and enjoy your job.

FOUR REASONS WHY CELEBRATION IS SO IMPORTANT FOR CAREER HAPPINESS AND FULFILMENT

Celebrating success provides the motivation and confidence required to face the next challenge or opportunity in your career.

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When I work with career coaching clients, I always ask them how they are going to celebrate when they have achieved their career goal.  This is a simple question but is often met with silence, followed by, ‘I don’t know, I don’t usually do anything’.

How often do you celebrate your career successes and achievements?

Weekly? Monthly?  Annually?  Never?

It is extremely common for celebrating career success to be a rarity or not to feature at all in our lives.  This is really sad, isn’t it?  We just move on to the next thing and miss out on the party!

What stops us from celebrating our achievements?   

Some believe that their successes aren’t worth celebrating in comparison with what others have achieved in their careers.  ‘Only high impact achievements and successes are worth celebrating, not the successes of little old me.’

If this is true, can I ask what is a high impact success?  Landing on the moon? Developing a vaccine that will save millions of lives?  Is this what we need to achieve to justify a celebration?  Well, that leaves most of us out of the celebration circle so let’s just plough on then and keep working and working and working.

BUT, ploughing on is hard work

The danger of ploughing on is that when we keep moving on to the next step, then the next, then the next, the cracks start to appear in our lives. We complete one goal and move straight on to the next.  We fear failing and so have to keep going.  ‘I’ve been lucky to succeed this time, but I am worried if I take a break I won’t succeed again’.  There is no pause, no pat on the back and no recognition of what you have achieved so far. Ploughing on makes us feel exhausted and miserable as our mind and body cannot keep up.

By not recognising and acknowledging our achievements, we start to believe that what we are doing is not quite good enough and work harder, increasing the risk of burn out.

The four reasons to celebrate

Here are four reasons why spending time acknowledging and rewarding yourself for your efforts and achievements will make you feel happier and more fulfilled in your career.

1. CONFIDENCE

Celebration is a positive action which reinforces that you are good enough and can achieve.  Each celebration reminds you how brilliant you are, and this positive mindset will give you the confidence to move forward in your career and enable you to face challenges in a constructive manner.

2. MOTIVATION

Celebrating makes us feel good.  Feeling good will enable you to maintain your motivation to succeed as you face your next goal.

3. OPPORTUNITIES

Celebrating with others strengthens relationships (work and personal).  These relationships can provide you with future support, inspiration and career opportunities.

4. ENJOYMENT

A celebration is a time for you to enjoy yourself.  Enjoyment makes us feel better and when combined with achievement our wellbeing and happiness is greatly increased.

When we celebrate our achievements, we feel great, believe we are great and go on to achieve greater things as our positive thoughts, feelings and actions give us the power to drive us forward to the next opportunity.

Celebrate now!

Take the time now to think about what you have achieved in the last month and write down how and when you are going to celebrate.  It doesn’t matter how big or small the success, what matters is that you celebrate.  You will feel so much better for it.

CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESSES NOW AND GIVE YOURSELF THE BEST CHANCE OF BEING HAPPY AND FULFILLED IN YOUR CAREER

Four rules you need to know for career success

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If Neil Armstrong can land on the moon, you can do it too!

Imagine if, on 16th July 1969, Neil Armstrong sat in his spaceship and refused to launch on completion of the countdown.  Doubts had crept into his mind; he had lost his confidence and he could not bring himself to press the final launch button.

‘I can’t do it.   The moon is approximately 239,000 miles from the earth, and we have to travel safely – there and back.  This is the farthest anyone has ever travelled.  Is our equipment good enough?  How can this ever be possible? I feel so worried.  Let’s leave the launch for another day. ‘

What would have happened if Neil Armstrong had refused to launch into space that day?

Someone else would have been the first person to land on the moon.  Neil would have been the person who sat in his spaceship on the ground at Kennedy Space Center’s Launch Complex 39A and went nowhere.

What may have stopped Neil Armstrong from launching into space?

Neil and his team had completed all the learning, preparation and training they needed to do to complete the mission, but Neil had forgotten one thing.  He had not worked out how he was going to overcome the doubts in his mind.  He was unaware of the power his negative thoughts would have over the achievement of his dream.

Great news!

Fortunately, this didn’t happen and on 20th July 1969 Neil Armstrong became the first man to land on the moon.  Despite not having smartphones, the Internet or GPS and landing on the moon with only 25 seconds worth of fuel left, Neil and his team did it.  They faced challenges, overcame these challenges and achieved their mission and their dream.

OVERCOMING DOUBTS IN YOUR CAREER

Astronauts are just like us and will have times of doubt, questioning their ability to succeed.   They are also just like us and have a choice.  They can choose to let these thoughts and feelings prevent them from achieving amazing things and sit stationary in their spaceship or they can choose to press the launch button.

Wouldn’t you just love to press the launch button in your career now?   You may want to launch a career change, apply for a promotion or move towards self-employment.

Follow these rules to keep you on track and help you move forward.  After all, no one wants to sit in their spaceship on the launchpad for ever.

  1. Recognise that it is OK to experience times of worry and doubt. Sometimes things happen in our career that make us feel this way.
  2. Notice how you react in times of worry and doubt. Perhaps you ignore it, become irritable and distracted or withdraw from the situation.  Does your reaction help you move forward constructively?
  3. Understand that when you are thinking and feeling negatively, these thoughts and feelings are likely to eventually stop you from doing the things you want to do in your career.
  4. Trust that you can take action. Do something about your negative thoughts to make you feel better and enable you to achieve what you want to achieve in your career. You can practise changing your negative thoughts into positive thoughts, you can ask for help, you can try new and different ways of achieving things. Just remember, you can do it!

You have everything within you to achieve, you simply need to press the launch button and do it.  Learn to overcome the challenges you face and keep going until you have achieved your mission.

 

 

The best kept secret to career success

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Would you believe me if I said the best career idea for you may be your best kept secret?!

We often reach a crossroads in our career when we have to decide on the best possible career path.  To help you decide, you research lots of different ideas and apply for lots of different jobs. You get to the point when you have a list of career and job ideas and need to decide which to pursue.  These ideas will be similar to the jobs you have done in the past or may complement these jobs, but I can guarantee there will be one idea missing from your list and that is…

YOUR BEST KEPT SECRET

This is the one wacky idea that you have had in the back of your mind for years.  The idea that is your fantasy dream career.  The one that excites you the most. The one you dream about on a sunny day.  The big idea that you can only dream of because in reality it is completely impossible to achieve and unrealistic.  This is why you have kept it a secret.  It is your own crazy idea that no one needs to know about as it will never happen, will it?  There is no point telling anyone about something that will never happen, is there?  However, you do want it to happen.  You would like to explore it…..is that so crazy?

Keeping a secret like this is stressful.  It takes up a lot of your thinking time and stops you from actually achieving it.   You would love this career idea of yours to be real, but you are actively hiding it from people.  Even worse, you are putting a lot of energy in to not achieving your ideal career, something that could be the best career decision you ever made.  Your best kept secret eventually leads to frustration, unhappiness and poor wellbeing because you are not being true to yourself.

IT’S TIME TO TELL PEOPLE YOUR SECRET

Imagine if J K Rowling kept her book ideas a secret or Monet hid his paintings.  Aren’t we glad all those who have wanted to research and discover vaccinations actually did it? We are certainly thankful to Marie Curie for her contribution to cancer treatments.  Her humble beginnings didn’t stop her following her passions.  Her passions were clear, they were not a secret.

Go back to your list of career and job ideas now and add your secret idea to the list.  (Until you have done this your list will remain incomplete.)

Once your list is complete, you are ready for the next step which is to evaluate your ideas and that is ALL OF THEM, not just those that seem the easiest, the most obvious and the most accepting of others, evaluate them all.   Ask yourself:

What do you really want?  

What more do you need to do to clarify this further for you?

These questions will help to guide you as you evaluate each option:

  1. How much will this cost me? Pursuing a career change can have an impact on your finances.  Prepare a budget so that you are aware of any financial limitations.
  2. Will this be a hobby or career? What does work-life balance mean to you?  When considering your motivations and interests, distinguish between those you want to include in a job and those you would prefer to keep as a hobby.
  3. What experience do I need? Many people worry about lacking experience.  Focus on what you can do and on your transferable skills.  If you lack specific advisable experience, consider doing some work experience or voluntary work.
  4. Who can I network with? Carry on networking and asking people for their advice and opinion.  This is the best way to increase opportunities that will come your way. Use Social media networking tools to help.

There are going to be lots of questions going through your mind as you evaluate the options and start making decisions about your best fit career.   It is therefore really important at this stage to make time to plan and investigate and…

…Remember…

The get out of this rut quickly career idea isn’t always the best one.  The best career idea for you is often your best kept secret.

Please do browse through my free career resources for further help.

Evaluate all your career ideas to discover the ideal career path for you (even the secret ones!)

Finding the best career and job ideas when feeling stuck

 

CareerYou are struggling to enjoy your current job and are feeling a bit stuck for ideas of what to do next.  The big question you keep asking yourself is,

“Shall I change career?”

However, you can’t seem to find the answer, and this is making you feel miserable.  To cheer yourself up you have decided to throw a party.

The party

This party is a party with a difference.  This is because the aim of this party is to help you find an answer to your question, “shall I change career?”.

The guest list is going to be key for this party. You will need to invite carefully selected individuals who you think will be able to help you answer your question, focusing primarily on people who work in fields of interest to you.

You will need to be able to ask these people about their jobs so that you can start identifying different job and career ideas that best suit your personality and broadening your awareness of your marketability for alternative employment.

These discussions should provide you with enough information to decide whether your current job is worth pursuing or whether a career change is the answer.

The guest list

To work out the guest list, you need to make a list of 15 jobs or careers that you would like to do if you had no restrictions. These jobs may be similar or related to the jobs you have already done, or they may be completely different. Write your ideas down using the following tips to help you:

  1. Think about your personality, skills and interests (read my November blog to help you) to help you think of ideas that will best suit you.
  2. Think about when you last thought to yourself ‘I would like to do that’ or ‘that sounds interesting’ when hearing someone else talk about their job.
  3. Use career books and trusted internet career sites. Cast your eye down lists of jobs and write down ones that jump out at you.

Remember, this is a list where you have no restrictions.  You may simply be curious at this point and that is OK.

Research

You have decided you would like to limit your invitations to 5 individuals and so your next step is to work out which 5 ideas most closely match your personality, skills and interests.  To do this, start researching your different jobs and career ideas and identify which ones most closely match.

Mark each idea from 1-15, with number 1 most closely matching your personality, skills and interests and number 15 being the one that least matches your profile.

The invitations

Now you have your 5 ideas, you now need to find individuals who work in these areas so that you can identify who you are going to invite.  Your guest list may include people you know and people you don’t know.  If you can’t think of anyone you know, start researching organisations that employ people in your areas of interest and identify employees you think would be useful to talk to.  These are the people to send invitations to.

Conversations

Now, in reality, I realise this kind of party would be difficult to arrange!  However, what you can do instead is use this technique to enable you to start having useful conversations with people as you work out what to do next in your career.  Contact people you have identified using the approach outlined above and ask if you can have a chat with them to find out more about what they do and the area they work in.

Speaking to as many people as you can is the best way to expand your knowledge about different jobs and careers and decide whether they are a good fit for you.  You will then be able to start finding an answer to your question:

“Shall I change career?”

 

If you are considering a career change, do read my career change help sheet for further guidance.